Joke #5772

Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ? In both cases you really dont want to look down !

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

What is difference between woman and condom? None :-) Both of them spend more time in your wallet...than on your d*ck !

Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.

Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave. When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"

Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.

Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: "Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5" So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: "You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10" So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"