Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?
No, they do everything on porpoise.
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What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies.
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.
The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?
Horse: Sure!
Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately.
If only men would listen...