Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. "Get to work," the store-keeper urged. "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared. When this had been provided: "Now give me a quart of whiskey." Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly: "Now show me the cellar." An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted: "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
How do rabbits get to work? By rabbit transit.
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit? Haremail.
What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream.
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.