Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?
No, they do everything on porpoise.
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Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
I'm not paying," said the duck.
"I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk.
"Getting here cost me my last scent."
It was a hot summer night.
Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple...
I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
What do you call an affectionate rabbit?
A tender, loving hare.
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d.
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
No chicken dies a virgin.
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"