Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?
No, they do everything on porpoise.
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How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
You hold his nose!
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
- Good monkey, it's worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
"What does this monkey know?"
"It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad."
"Nice, even I don't know those things."
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
"And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?"
"I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play.
Their mother said yes, but only for an hour.
An hour later, only Out came back.
Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In."
About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In.
Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly.
"Easy."
Out said.
"In-stincts."
Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine.
He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself.
Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
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What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.