Joke #2515

Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking: Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one. What did you do? Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
Vote:
has 75.20 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, doctor, dog, money
Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.
Vote:
has 12.61 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
Vote:
has 64.43 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Vote:
has 19.11 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting, dog
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
Vote:
has 79.73 % from 1441 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
Vote:
has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, Valentines day
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
Vote:
has 55.72 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, kids, little Johnny, vulgar
A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked: "Now, bring on your cat!"
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal