Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking:
Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one.
What did you do?
Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
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There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?"
"I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!"
"Help me please, please help!"
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Yours sincerely,
The CAT