Twenty teams in the league and you are in the last place? Well, it could have been worse. How? There could have been more teams in the league!
Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.
What's a mexicans' favorite sport? Cross country.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race? He found himself in a no-wind situation.
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Why did the football coach flood the pitch? Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "Your dog can't swim!"
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him. "Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat! What's up with that I wonder!" The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife. We went to the games together." "Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously. "She passed away," said the gentleman. "Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man. Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."