Twenty teams in the league and you are in the last place?
Well, it could have been worse.
How?
There could have been more teams in the league!
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Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
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My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!"
I replied, "That's 15 love!"
Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat.
Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears.
After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him.
Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing.
"Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom.
"Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry.
Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"
Yo mama so fat when she went swimming, The Japanese harpooned her and took her back to Japan to sell her blubber.
One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.
He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa.
So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind.
After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head.
His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''
To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.
By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight.
Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room.
Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can.
Repeat with the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box.
Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds.
Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough.
Then repeat with the other breast.
Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect.
Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.
Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.
What happened to the blond ice hockey team? They drown at spring training.
Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.
The boxer fells down in the fourth round.
The referee starts counting.
Billy’s grandmother gets up on her legs from the first row and screams:
Stop counting for nothing, he won’t get up!
I know him from the buss...
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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