You realize that you are dependent of the internet when: You forget in what year you are. You get out from you’re room and you discover that you’re parent moved and you don’t even know when that happened. You dream only of quick connections. You open you’re interphone when you get out from you’re room so you can hear when you get an e-mail.
Man: Hello, my computer is reporting a fatal error! Customer Support: Well there's nothing we can do now, you should have called us when it was still critical!
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user... Help desk: Double click on "My Computer". Lady: I can't see your computer... Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer. Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer?! Help desk: There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it... Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer?
99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, 1 bug fixed... Compile again, 100 little bugs in the code.
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right? A: 1.
Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in a vivid display, an angelic chorus pouring from the speakers. Satan is astonished, ‘How did he manage that?’ God replies, ‘You might have lost everything, but Jesus saves.’
Yo mama is so stupid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.