Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet?
He kept logging on and off.
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Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Me: Siri, why am I alone?
Siri: *opens front facing camera*
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
Algorithm.
Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.