There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.
Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.