How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
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A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!"
The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
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Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.
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Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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