Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.
We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
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Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
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John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.
Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
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"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
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Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.
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Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
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