Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up.
He did the tests and waited.
After a while, the doctor came in with the results.
"Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.."
"Doctor..! How much time do I have..?"
"Ten..."
"Ten what? Months? Years? What?!"
"Nine...Eight...Seven..."
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I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon.
I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club.
He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy.
The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free.
The golfer agrees and takes out the robot.
While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life.
The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies.
He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore.
The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened.
The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes.
The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black?
The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.
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Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?"
Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
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