Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral.
A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: Because you can see right through them!
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A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.
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Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies?
A: Taking them out with pitchforks.
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Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.
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Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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