Joke #2603

A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets. Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." Bobby: "No probs, Dad." Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."

Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.

What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? "Darling."

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey. "Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?" "Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.

Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing. Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"

A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.” The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”