Joke #1312

One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here". "Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."
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A true story, according to the LA Times..... Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?" Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"
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Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
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Did you hear about the small golf course? You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
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Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
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Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
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Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
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A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor. ‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer. ‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
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A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
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