Joke #1312

One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here". "Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer. It was to keep his teeth in.

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.

Q: What did the basketball say to the player? A: Please don't shoot me.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."