One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed,
"You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."
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A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia.
‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor.
‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer.
‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
Q. What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
A. The PGA tour
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The other day was Take Your Daughter To Work day.
The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters.
Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.''
They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
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There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?
In case they get a hole in one!
What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer?
The torturer would apologize first.
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream?
Aston Vanilla.
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!"
The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!"
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''