A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
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Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
Not all the warrants, can be called milky cows, says a lawyer to a colleague of his, some of them are like the mice in the church.
Got for as lawyers that we know how to milk the mice...
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other?
They are seperated by a big chain-link fence.
Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand.
God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers.
He called the devil over and said “Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence.”
Satan agreed.
The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence…but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
“Satan!” beckoned God.
“You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!”
“Yeah? What if I don’t?” replied the devil.
“I’ll sue you if I have to,” answered God.
“Sure,” laughed Satan. “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.