Joke #3772

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A desperate man enters a bar and says: All the lawyers are stupid!!! From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man: Take that back! Why? Are you a lawyer? No, I’m stupid...
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: bar, lawyer
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do.
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has 10.90 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, office, wife
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
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has 84.33 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, travel
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer