How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
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I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
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Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
In a pellet court!
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours.
Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:
FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
How is an earnest lawyer called?
An oxymoron.
"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."
"Why do you say that?"
"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.