Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?
Moe: I don’t know. What?
Joe: The ruler.
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Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!
Mom: That’s great. What in?
Stevie: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "It's because yer feet ain't empty."
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *walks away*
TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.
Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
Vote:
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body.
When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt.
Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.
Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place.
He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!"
Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."
When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.
Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
Vote:
In clas: 1+1=2
Exam: John has four apples and gives one away. Calculate the mass of the sun.