How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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Why don't black people pay rent?
Because jail is free.
Vote:
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?"
Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
Vote:
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano.
The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard.
He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em.
After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to.
The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says,
"I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act."
The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat."
The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says,
"Are you nuts?
You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
If God had meant us to pay taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.