Joke #4550

He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.

Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer. Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.

‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store. She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’ Bob Hope

Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money? A: He is always a little to short.

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."

Yo' Mama is so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.

William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream !'

I wouldn’t say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.