How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
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Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honour."
Testified the man charged with indecent exposure.
"Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge.
"Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman... So I showed her."
When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge.
A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo.
She looks at the shelf behind the register.
"How much for the white one?"
"$10."
"How much for the black one?"
"$20."
She buys the white one.
A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo.
After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.
A third lady comes in for a dildo.
She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one.
She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.
"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
Vote:
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Knock knockrn
Who's there?
Woman who?
Wo-man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Man.
Man who?
Man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke.
Vote:
Did you ever notice:
Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B".
Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...
That's origin of "BP"!
Vote:
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."