Joke #2658

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."

Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end." "People who go out of their way to help others have great taste." "An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry." "Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue." "A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble." "The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew." "It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea." "You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried." "If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon." "Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner." "Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."

Q: Why do Americans like black candles? A: Because it reminds them of 'the good old days'.

Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.

Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!" Caddy: "I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"

All the bases are 90 feet apart in regulation Baseball. So why does it take a Runner longer to run from 2nd to 3rd than it does from 1st to 2nd? Simple! Because between 2nd and 3rd there is a 'Short-Stop'!

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, "It's going to rain." His wife asked, "How do you know?" "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.

Nate: Why was school easier for cave people? Kate: Why? Nate: Because there was no history to study!