“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
To finally solve whether Mona-Lisa is smiling or not, Chuck Norris took a quick look at it. She's crying
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can write history of the future.
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."