Why did the captain lose the yacht race?
He found himself in a no-wind situation.
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A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says,
"Oh, forget that nigga."
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The Winter Olympics.
Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
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A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting.
I'm not getting up."
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?
A: The big hand touches the little one.
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Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand.
The judge says, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies.
"He beats me."
The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear replies.
"She beats me too."
So the judge says, "So who do you want to live with?"
Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."
Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?
A: No Cubs
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Hey babe, let's play football!
You can have first down.
High five!
Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!