Chuck Norris is the only person who can write history of the future.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."
How did the Vikings send secret messages? By norse code! Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder? He had a bee in his suit of armour! Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss! Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights!
In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.
Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his tv for all he needs to do is just stare until it turns on.