Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Q: How many Asian girls does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, 'cause they couldn't reach it.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a women? A: The pizza can be eaten but the women can't!
Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said "What’s that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this." They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year." "Okay," they said and left. Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?" "Yeah" said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I shot him" said the guy. "Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board."
How many men does it take to please a woman. Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce." On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce." The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."