Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Phil: He has only one pupil.
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Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?"
Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!"
Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."
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Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Ramu: Yes it's really strange.
I've got another pair of the same at home.
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class?
Let’s start with you, Robert.”
Robert: “The artwork.”
Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?”
Peter: “Her tits!”
Teacher: “Peter, get out!
Go stand in the hall!
And you, Johnny?”
Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Q: How did the pirate get through School?
A: By sailing on high C's.
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school."
"How much special?"
"Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
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"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher.
"What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."
A private school was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lip stick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers... and then there are educators.