Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?" "Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck. My wife is better than that.’ The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know? Your wife IS better.’
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
What does a nigger do after sex? 25 years to life.
A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’ The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs. The dentist said: "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."