There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better". So I installed LINUX.
Mary and Jane are talking. Mary declares that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying. ‘How did you manage it?’ asks Jane. ‘I went to that hypnotherapist on the High Street,’ replies Mary. ‘I got pregnant within two months.’ ‘Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,’ says Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’ ‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary. ‘You have to go alone.’
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Q: What did the dentist say to the computer? A: This won't hurt a byte
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
Q: What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall? A: Captain's log.
John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.