There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
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Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
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Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea.
Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
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Johny met his classmate from high school after ten years who was still very beautiful.
As he met her, he told her only: "Hi Ann, I am pleased to see you again after so many years."
Ann took a look at his pants and said: "I know that you´re pleased."
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy.
All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand.
She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom.
"Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!"
"I have two words for you -- LET GO!"
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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1998: Don't get in the car with strangers.
2008: Don't meet people from the internet.
2018: Order yourself a stranger to get in the car with from the internet. (Uber)
Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
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Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.