There were once 3 blondes stranded on a deserted island, and could not think of a way to get off it.
One of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp.
Dusting it off, the genie came out.
"I will grant you each a wish," he said.
"Why not," thought the blondes.
"It's worth a try."
"I want to be the world's best swimmer," one said, "so I can swim off of the island".
She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.
"I want to be a bird," one said, and flew away immediately.
The third and last blonde thought for a while.
"I want to be a man."
She was instantly transformed into a man, and she walked over the bridge to the mainland.
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Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were asked where they would like to go.
The brunette said she would like to go to Mars.
The redhead said she would like to go to Venus.
The blonde said she would like to go to the Sun.
"But you would burn up", said the brunette. "Well, I would go at night. Duh", said the blonde.
There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice.
He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days.
"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day."
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?"
She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday Night morning?
"Tell her a joke on Monday Morning."
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?
A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
Vote:
Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 key.
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.
One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!
March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!
June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm...car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it?
October - Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
December - Couldn't call 911..."duh"...there's no "eleven" button on the phone!
What a year!