Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said:
"Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
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Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
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Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.
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I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."
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What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
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Why are little girls better than little boys?
Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
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Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!"
Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!"
Father: "But you have to start with something!"
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I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
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