Joke #5119

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: black humor

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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."
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has 83.88 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, funeral
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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has 75.57 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: black humor, new year, time
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black humor
One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
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has 40.61 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, cop, death
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
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has 79.33 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: black humor, terrorist
A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?" The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?" "No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."
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has 85.84 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: black humor
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, geography, health, war