What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
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There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American.
They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country.
The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi.
There is a lot of sushi in my country.
Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom.
There is too much love in my country.
Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco.
There is too much taco in my country.
Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says:
There are too much Mexicans in my country.
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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
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"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.
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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
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The cannibals on the island Borneo have caught and after that have grilled one gypsy boy on a turnspit.
They had to turn him really quickly above the burning fire because at a slower speed of rotation he managed to steal the potatoes from the live coal.
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Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
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Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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