What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
Q: How do you get 15,000 followers? A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.
*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.