A 6 year old boy asks his daddy:
Daddy, where did I come from to this life?
You were brought by a stork.
That's strange, you have such a pretty wife, but nevertheless you're fucking a stork.
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Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!
They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book.
He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies
"I only ever touched one with my index finger."
He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates."
He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis."
She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."
He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate."
Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way.
ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?"
The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations."
The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots.
"What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations."
The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture.
"And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations."
The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations."
The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations."
"Me!?" demands the patient.
"You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about.
I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old.
We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes.
I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?"
Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
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Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain.
One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette.
The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea.
What's that called?'
The lady responded, 'It's a condom.'
The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?'
She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.'
So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.'
The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?'
The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made.
Samantha explains it to her.
"I still don't get it? Can you show me."
Suzy says.
"OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw."
That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand.
The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sex with her.
"OK but I don't want Samantha to watch"
So Samantha went outside.
They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy.
"That was fun but I still don't get it."
Says Suzy
The next day the same thing happened.
And the next day.
Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying.
"Whats wrong," Suzy says.
"Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better."
Said Samantha.
"Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy.
When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it.
Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately.
He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her.
"OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed."
"Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him.
‘Hello,’ he says.
‘Do you speak English?’
‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman.
‘How much?’ asks the man.
The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter.
He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
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