My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Apparently, he’s trying to become a father again, even though he’s now 87.
And you have to admit that is an exceptionally low sperm count.
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on.
The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.
"What you staring at, old man?
Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"
"Yeah. I screwed a parrot once.
I was wondering if you were my son?"
Q: Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A: Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking.
The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in."
The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
An evening of Valentine's Day.
A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!"
"Sorry, we are sold out..."
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Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine.
We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
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