Joke #9737

Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."

Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"

Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear. She said, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!" The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!" This time, he figured he'd better look into it. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me sir, could I help you?" The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..." The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!"

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."