Joke #4307

A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. He buys a pack and shows his wife. ‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’ ‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man. ‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife. ‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’

Question: What’s the best thing about a blow job? Answer: Ten minutes of silence.

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...

What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!

Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.

A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’

A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?