I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
Help me, please.
I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
But tomorrow morning I will be dead.
You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow.
But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
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Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.
What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
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I saw a girl crying, so I asked her "Where are your parents?" and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
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