I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.
I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.
My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.