I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!