I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing.
The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap.
He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!".
The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again.
He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!".
The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again.
On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly.
Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".
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Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!
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The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.
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Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable?
A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
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One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow.
He said he can't walk.
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".
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An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first?
The apple because the rope catches the black person.
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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