Joke #2761

I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...

How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.

Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working? A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars. The last one was called the Hindenburg.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.

Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"