Joke #3928

What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet.
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has 66.29 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: sex

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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has 80.40 % from 987 votes. More jokes about: sex
My girlfriend used to fake foreplay. A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn. He’s rushed to hospital by his wife
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has 19.76 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: sex
Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
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has 78.75 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, life, sex
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
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has 62.37 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: sex
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
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has 75.27 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.47 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
Mother Teaches Her Child To Go To The Bathroom Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers: 1. Open your fly. 2. Take out your equipment. 3. Pull back the skin. 4. Do your business. 5. Let the skin forward. 6. Stow your equipment. 7. Close your fly. She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
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has 79.35 % from 2254 votes. More jokes about: business, sex
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
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has 57.04 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
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has 61.98 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: lesbian, sex