What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
Her feet.
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What does a nigger do after sex?
25 years to life.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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Mother Teaches Her Child To Go To The Bathroom
Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers:
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly.
She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and
heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.
She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
Two old women were talking about their sex lives.
Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great.
Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head.
When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night."
Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."
While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes.
She struggled to get both legs behind her head.
After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.
Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face.
"For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome.
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome.
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican?
A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!