Joke #8829

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd. "You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."

Ok, so there this girl sleeping in religion class The teaches asks the class "who is our lord and savior?" The boy behind the girl pokes her with a pen and she screams jesus christ! The teacher says "good, now who created the earth in seven days?" The boy pokes the girl again, she lest "oh my god!" The teacher says "good, now what did Eve say to Adam after their 11 child? The boy pokes the girl one more time and the girl yells "if you poke me with that ting one more time im going to break it off!"

J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!

One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read." The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice. Except for Chris Brown.

I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.

Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"

When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.

Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."