Joke #3934

There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life

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A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" God responds, "You are what you are" The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question. One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes" The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, racist
Chuck Norris lives on The Road Not Taken.
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has 14.85 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
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has 85.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: life
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, insulting, life, Yo mama
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!" Laughter and applause. A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home during a small party. He was a bit foggy after having a drink or two. He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" The wife went red with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, with the guests not saying a word, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: life, management, memory, time, women
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons. This farmer had just inherited some of money from his brother's recent death. He couldn't decide which son he could send to college, since he could only afford to send one. This farmer also had two ducks. These ducks were retarded. They were only two ducks on the farm that weren't normal. He told his sons that whoever could get the most money for the duck would go to college. The sons went out in attempt to collect as much money as they could. The first son was walking down the street when he passed a man working in the yard. The man asked him if the duck was for sale, for the man loved the taste of ducks.He offered the son 10 dollars for his duck. The son decided this was very good, so he took it. He decided his brother wouldn't be able to get close to his success. The second son was walking and passed a whorehouse. He went in and said that he didn't have any money, but he would give them the duck. One girl said fine. After they f**ked, she decided that she didn't want the duck anymore. The son said he would take the duck back if they f**ked again. She agreed. After they f**ked the second time, the son left. He was walking home, thinking about what to do with the duck when it broke the leash. The duck ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The lady that hit it jumped from her car and started apologizing profusely. The son insisted it was ok, but the lady said she would pay for the duck. She was in a hurry, so she gave him 25 dollars and sped off. When the sons got home, the farmer asked the first son what he got. He proudly displayed the 10 dollars. The farmer was impressed. He asked the second son the same thing. "That's nothing. I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 25 dollars for a f**ked up duck."
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has 81.22 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: death, duck, life, money, teen
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist? He got the sack.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: Why did Mexico send only a couple thousand Mexicans to fight in the Alamo? A: Because they only had 4 trucks.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life, mexican