The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
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Why are guys like microwavable meals?
They’re both done in 30 seconds.
I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club.
If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Vote:
A man comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open.
He asked, "Honey what are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."
Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed.
Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?"
The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell."
But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked.
The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered.
"Alright!" creid the man.
"Do you like drinking?" the demon asked.
"Yeah!" The man answered.
"Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered.
"Sweet!" cried the man.
"Are you gay?" asked the demon.
The man frowned and said: "No."
The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."