The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping. 
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Europe to Iceland:
Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down.
Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it?
Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH!
Iceland: Woooops...
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Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable?
A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
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Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth?
A: All of them.
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first?
The apple because the rope catches the black person.
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
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