The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping. 
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
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Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.
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Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "Catch me outside, how bout dat"?
A: He got crucified
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One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
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Are you lost, ma'am?
Because Heaven's a long way from here.
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Q: How do you get a black out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
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What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
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Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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