The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!" St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.