Joke #2800

What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
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has 42.92 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.
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has 54.08 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, poems, sex
There was a boy watching tv with his parents. A sex scene comes on. The boy asks what the people are doing. The mom said "they were just making a cake." The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."
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has 57.49 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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has 49.99 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, "I’d calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. "‘What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear…!"
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has 80.61 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, travel
Two Generals were preparing for battle. The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!" The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform. The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage. The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"
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has 79.27 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, military, stupid, war
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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has 60.93 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
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has 34.40 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
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has 67.18 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
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has 25.03 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty, kids, sex
I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.
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has 30.07 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food