A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library.
He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me, young man.
Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon.
Please allow me to rephrase my question.
Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?”
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Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel so well.
Father: Where does it hurt?
Son: In school.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
"Why does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
"How does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
"How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
"Do you want fries with that?"
Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?"
Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!"
Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."
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The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role;
And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim!
Teacher: "I will call your parents!"
Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"
Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"
High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for the next 1 week. Another boy laughs..."
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for next 1 month."
The teacher bends to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out of the class.
Teacher: "Why are you going out?"
Johnny: "With what I saw I think my school days are over."
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