How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
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Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?"
Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
The absent-minded teacher paused to chat awhile with one of her students, then asked, "Which way was I going when I stopped to talk to you?"
"That way", the student pointed.
''Good,'' said the teacher, ''then I've had my lunch."
Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
Because she wanted to test the waters!
Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim!
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Ramu: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Ramu: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the
day time when we don't need it".
The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his student.
"And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied.
"I never pay attention anyway!"
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
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