How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
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One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home.
He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?"
His father replied, "Figure it out."
Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?"
The teacher said: "Figure it out."
Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
Teacher: Students draw a picture of bacteria.
Student: Here it is Mam!
Teacher: Where? It Is Blank.
Student: you told that bacteria cannot be seen with naked eye!
One day a college professor after getting irritated in his college class stands up in front of the class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and if there is one then he/she should stand up.
After a minute a young man stands up.
The professor then asks that guy if he actually thinks he is an idiot.
The boy replied, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast.
They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes.
Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped.
Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped.
Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped.
The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said
"Why? We can both jump."
"How is that?" said the monk.
The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
I don’t want to go to school,” said a son to his father.
“Why not,” asked the father.
“I don’t feel well.”
“Where don’t you feel well,” the father asked.
“At school!”
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home.
“The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the
father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?
Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
Vote:
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
“Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.
“The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible!
I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”