Daddy to his son: I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces. So too has his boot.
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
Q: What is the point of Jewish football? A: To get the quarter back
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.