Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.