Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
Vote:
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.
Vote:
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Vote:
Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
Vote:
Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote:
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.
Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
Vote:
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Vote:
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Vote:
Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
Vote: