Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.
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Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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Daddy to his son:
I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
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What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
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Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son.
He's a martyr.
"Here's my second son.
He's a martyr too!"
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
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Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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How do the fairy-tales of the whites and the blacks differ?
The stories of whites start: Once upon a time...
The stories of blacks start: Yo, man, you won't believe what a f**k has happened to me...
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