At the Court discussion between judge and villager:
So you was propeling surrogate alcohol?
Me? No!
What do you mean no?
You have a device for that... means propeled.
Then please judge me also for rape...
So you have raped someone also?
Well no... but I have a device...
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That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
Vote:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
You WILL be a winner today.
Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
Vote:
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
