Joke #2816

At the Court discussion between judge and villager: So you was propeling surrogate alcohol? Me? No! What do you mean no? You have a device for that... means propeled. Then please judge me also for rape... So you have raped someone also? Well no... but I have a device...

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

You WILL be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.

When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."