Joke #2837

Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already. On thinks of an idea: Guys, lets play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole. I can arrange a stick, – one says. I will get a ball, - adds another. Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Teacher: How we use the light? Pupil: To suck it? Teacher: Why do you say so? Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"

A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’

A woman walks into her sex thearapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it? The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens. The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills? The therapist replies she dosn’t know but says to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before. She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills? The therapist once again tells her to give it a try. The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better. She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle? The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle would do to a person. The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee. A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: "Are you the “idiot” who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra?" "Why yes young man I did?" "Why?" "Well mom’s dead, my sister’s Pregnant, my A– Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, 'here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…'”

Now there's a rack I'd like to be stretched out on.

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window... He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer." Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having s*x with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.

What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.

Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a toilet? A: The toilet smells good when it gets cleaned.

What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.