Joke #2839

Can I help you? No. I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.

If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!

I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it! You never know when you might need a nail.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout." "Why's that?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."

Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.

Do you know what a plateau is? It's the highest form of flattery!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.

Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.