Joke #4894

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating." The teacher says, "No, I said, fascinate." Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life." The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate." Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.

A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak. The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?" The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."

What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!

"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?" "No" "So, it was you!"

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."

A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"