A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!" "What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot? Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull? A dear steer.
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles.
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.