A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff!
I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" 
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A black guys is walking through the woods, he starts to hear a sounds.
It goes ching chong wu.
So he starts to walk to wear he heard the sound.
Soon enough he comes across a Chinese guy and a river.
The black guy ask was that noise.
The Chinese guy say, every time I throw a quarter in this river it tells me a name of an old relative.
See watch, Chinese guy throws a quarter, ching chong chun.
The black guy says let me try.
He throws a quarter in and the river says, chimpanzee.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
What kind of car does a rabbit drive?
A furrari.
Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water?
A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
Make the world your playground.
Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up.
Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, and then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
Variety is the spice of life.
One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy.
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest.
The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!"
"
The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!"
The old geezer says...
(We're waiting...)
Vote:
What's green and red?
A very mad frog.