Joke #3049

Q: What's red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator.

Awwww, kids. They blow up so fast... Get it, kids grow up so fast.

There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties. Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb. There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb. So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb. Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?" The boy looks back and says "who? me?" The man says "yes." The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker." The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker." The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving down the road."

My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. "You're coming home now!" she screamed. "No, I'm not," I laughed. She said, "I'm talking to the kids."

Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."

I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.

A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie? Putting the shoes on the flies!

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”

A kid asks his father: Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed? Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.

An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.