Joke #2975

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money, wife
A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: "Have you any grounds?" "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home." "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It made of concrete." "I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?" "No, we have carport, and not need one." "I mean. What are your relations like?" "All my relations still in Poland." "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player." "Does your wife beat you up?" "No, I always up before her." "Is your wife a nagger?" "No, she white." "Why do you want this divorce?" "She going to kill me." "What makes you think that?" "I got proof." "What kind of proof?" "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom." "I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'"
Vote: has 54.83 % from 141 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, divorce, lawyer, marriage, wife
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A man calls a lawyer’s office. A voice answers, ‘Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz.’ The man says, ‘Let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘I’m sorry, he’s on vacation.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s on a big case, not available for a week.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s playing golf today.’ ‘Okay, then, let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘Speaking.’
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a theatre play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back. He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man’s hands on his back. "Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?" "I’m a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can’t keep myself from practicing my skills." "Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I’m an attorney, and you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Vote: has 81.26 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, lawyer
Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
Vote: has 78.87 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, lawyer
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
Vote: has 20.20 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, god, lawyer